My name is Kelly. I am 45 years old.
That is a difficult thing for me to say. I am not ashamed to be 45. In fact, I feel a little bit of wonder that I’ve made it this far and that the things I did in my 20s feel like another lifetime away from me now. But still a lifetime to love and learn from those friends whom I may not see anymore. Southwest Virginia is a long way from Washington DC, let me tell you.
My spiritual name is Kalpana Devi, the “goddess of creative imagination.” And I do not feel 45.
Nobody calls me by that name anymore, but it was given to me by one of my first meditation teachers. Another friend whom I do not see anymore, but I hear she is happy and healthy and with family in her home country of Norway.
Sometimes I feel much older than 45, like when mysterious aches or pains arise in my body of which I may or may not know the origin. In my mind though, I pretty much always feel younger, like when a ray of sunshine breaks through the clouds and I want to go out and turn cartwheels in the yard. Coincidentally it has been raining for something like 17 out of 20 days this month.
In the present, my body is going through changes and has been for a few years now if I am being honest (which I am), and some days it really affects my mind too. Some days my mind indulges in that downward spiral of I am not worthy or I am not good enough, and I wonder where those thoughts are coming from. A lifetime of meditation and yoga practice has made me self-aware enough to recognize that I am more than my thoughts, and it has given me techniques to overcome that negativity. But due to these changes in my body and emotion, I am now more than ever so grateful for having the foundation of these practices.
Many people refer to it as simply “yoga.” However, these practices are so much deeper than the physical postures. A better term is really sadhana. Sadhana literally means practice and one who practices is a sadhaka. This means not just yoga postures, but the breath work, contemplation, meditation, concentration, and even daily routines that a sadhaka maintains, like taking food, waking and sleeping, the list goes on. When yoga is in your blood, that desire for relationship with the higher self is continuous –no longer a seeker, but really existing in seeing. I left the “k” out of “seek” on purpose.
Doesn’t mean daily life challenges disappear. In fact, due to being 45 as stated above, there many times seem to be more challenges physically, more mental stresses and stressors, more ways to have to be serious rather than light-hearted. Then, it all comes back to the practices. A few months ago, I set a conscious intention to do more yoga. Yoga Teacher, heal thyself, I said. And whatdoyouknow these practices, this sadhana actually works! Physically I am feeling stronger and there are less of those negative-spirally thoughts floating around in my head. Once in a while, I actually feel spontaneous joy. And this even happens while I’m “working” teaching classes. Some might say it is because I am teaching classes. My students are really the best, I am so proud of them for the attention they bring to their practice every week. That is something that makes me truly happy.
So, I thought I would let you in on my morning practice routine involving both yogic and ayurvedic habits. When I wake up, bathroom calls. Brush my teeth, scrape my tongue. Then I go in and sit for meditation, 30 minutes or more if I have time. I subscribe to what the Chopra Center calls RPM: rise, pee, meditate.
Next, two mugs of warm-to-hot water with 1/8 t of turmeric, a few shakes of black pepper, and a squeeze of lime in the first one. Then, yoga! At least 30 minutes of yoga, but if I only have 5 minutes, I still do 5 minutes worth. When I jump in the shower, I start with oil pulling with coconut oil, which is a mouth gargle instead of mouthwash, so for that 10-20 minutes it takes, I’m in the shower and not talking to anyone anyway. If I have time, dry brushing before showering stimulates the lymphatic system and makes my skin feel good. Moisturizing with a fine sheen of sesame oil afterward keeps my skin soft.
That may sound like a lot, but most items take only a few seconds. I would make meditation and yoga a little longer than that however. Due to being 45, this routine has become extra-special-important and I really miss it when it’s not there. Set an intention to take care of yourself.
What do you know, yoga actually works.